Obama's Call for Civility Resonates Here

Last night, President Obama made a speech in Tucson, eulogizing those who lost their lives in the shooting there over the weekend and calling for a new tone of "civil and honest public discourse [to] help us face up to our challenges as a nation..."

The speech was powerful because it was more than a memorial, but a call for a better America.

The speech resonated with us. This week we've talked together about how to process the tragedy. But we've also harbored hope, and the President's speech reminded us that we are right to do that. We believe deeply in his insistence we should use this occasion: "to expand our moral imaginations, to listen to each other more carefully, to sharpen our instincts for empathy, and remind ourselves of all the ways our hopes and dreams are bound together." He reminded us that "for all our imperfections, we are full of decency and goodness, and that the forces that divide us are not as strong as those that unite us."

The Connecticut Forum believes that we are all in this together, and that when we can come together - even in disagreement - we can challenge assumptions, build bridges in our community and make the world just a little bit better. We've founded our organization on those beliefs and will continue to make them a part of what we do every day. We want to use President Obama's speech as a way to remember, yes, but also as a way to regroup and look forward.

Watch Obama's entire speech:


Or view a full text transcipt here.

Great Questions Raised at CT Forum on Civility

From left to right, The End of Civility? panelists David Gergen, Gina Barreca,
Connie Schultz (screen), Stephen Carter, & Christopher Buckley

Now that our first Forum of the Season, The End of Civility? is over, it's truly "the end of civility" - in one sense, at least.

However, there's no end to the questions we all have about civility. We were inundated with audience questions for the panelists during Intermission - many more questions than we could possibly address in the Q&A during the Forum's second half. For now, we can only imagine Stephen Carter's response to the question, Who are we to judge what is civil behavior? or Christopher Buckley's facial expression when asked, In 20 years, will there be anyone left who knows what civility is?

Here are just a few of the thoughtful and provocative questions that we're continuing to think about and discuss. We hope you do the same!

• Is incivility a leading or trailing social indicator?
• How is the loss of civility linked to a sense of hopelessness, a sense of loss of the "civil contract"?
• How can we be a moral leader around the world when we exhibit such vitriol and lack of civility in our public discourse?
• Is an attitude of "we're all in this together" a central element of a civil society? Have we lost that?
• How do we break the cycle of ever-increasing incivility, disrespect, and intolerance?
• Don't you think there's a huge correlation between the lack of religion and the lack of civility?

I'm Sorry: The Art of the Apology

Special Forum guest blogger Rosanne Thomas, certified etiquette and protocol consultant and founder of Boston-based Protocol Advisors, Inc., reflects on non-apology apologies and helps us say we're sorry like a pro.
 
Where civility is concerned, a bad apology---and we know it when we hear it--is truly worse than no apology at all. The reproachful, "I'm sorry if you were offended." The take-no-personal-blame, "Errors were made." The accusatory, "I'm sorry, but you...." The discounting, "I was only joking!" Politicians, sports figures and entertainers have all been known to issue such non-apologies, and we've probably done so ourselves. Those on the receiving end of these "apologies" feel less than satisfied and rightfully so. The issuer is trying to have it both ways: to go on record as having done the right thing, but to leave wiggle room and save face at the same time. It doesn't work.

Why people shy away from honestly apologizing is a mystery. The sincere apology is an incredibly powerful, yet woefully underused tool. A true apology saves relationships, rights wrongs and shows strength (not weakness). It allows us to be human: to make a mistake, to own up to it and to move on. It also allows others to forgive, a good practice, as inevitably we will all need to be forgiven.

So what are some elements of a good apology?

• It is delivered as soon as possible, through appropriate means, i.e., via email, telephone call, personal note, in person, through a gift, etc. The seriousness of the breach determines the means: forgetting to return a call is one thing; forgetting to attend a dinner in your honor another entirely.
• It specifically acknowledges the inconvenience or harm caused, and how this must have made the person feel.
• It is unequivocal; no ifs, ands or buts about it.
• It recalls no past grievances.
• It includes a promise to try and not let it happen again.

Sincere apologies are very likely to accepted, paving the way for stronger relationships and more civil discourse.

A Blow for Civility

Special Guest Blogger Rosanne Thomas, certified etiquette and protocol consultant and founder of Boston-based Protocol Advisors, Inc., continues the conversation about the recent Jet Blue incident and what it means for civility.

In yesterday's New York Times, Benedict Carey wrote of Steven Slater, the Jet Blue flight attendant whose dramatic exit from a plane after an encounter with a passenger has elevated him to folk hero status. The veracity of Mr. Slater's account is now in question after several other passengers offered different views of what actually transpired.

But whether the messenger is ultimately to be believed, light has been shone on the very real challenges faced by those who deal with the public every day, and perhaps what happened is a good thing. Or perhaps it isn't.

Time will tell if Mr. Slater's claims have merit. If they do not, time will also tell whether what he did for the "working man" was more harmful than helpful, a potential ironic blow to customer service workers who deserve a credible advocate.

In the meantime, what we know for sure is that Mr. Slater struck no "blow for civility" as Mr. Carey asserts. Answering alleged rudeness with rudeness, and in this case involving an entire plane of innocent passengers, lowers the bar of respectful discourse across the board. These are undoubtedly stressful times, yet nothing can be gained by lauding such behavior. Civility, unfortunately, was not on board that day.

Civility Meets the Unfriendly Skies

Special Guest Blogger Rosanne Thomas, certified etiquette and protocol consultant and founder of Boston-based Protocol Advisors, Inc., weighs in on the recent Jet Blue incident.

Recent events upon a Jet Blue flight have brought into focus the element of "stress" and its impact upon daily lives.

According to the vast majority, stress, defined as "an emotionally disruptive or disquieting influence," was largely to blame for the unprecedented behavior of a flight attendant that day. Rude customers, unforgiving work conditions and unrelenting pressure finally took their cumulative toll and he had an understandable, even justifiable "meltdown," they say. In fact, his actions were lauded as working-class heroics by those who only wish they had the courage to do the same.

While most of us do indeed sympathize and perhaps even relate to the challenges of stressful working conditions, something is amiss here and one can only wonder how the situation might have been handled differently. Incivility, regardless of provocation, harms more than just those directly involved. It sets our collective bar for respectful interactions lower and opens the door for even more egregious and potentially harmful behaviors in the future.

*******
"Answer rudeness with civility, with politeness." Rosanne Thomas

Click here to see Rosanne featured on WBZ TV's Keller @ Large! http://wbztv.com/video/?id=91758@wbz.dayport.com

David Gergen Joins "Civility" Panel

The Connecticut Forum Announces:

David Gergen to be a Panelist at
The End of Civility?
Saturday, October 2.

Few know the political backroom as well as David Gergen. As an adviser to four U.S. presidents and a senior political analyst for CNN, Gergen has made a career of bearing witness to some of the most compelling political figures of our times. In 2000, he published the best-selling book, Eyewitness to Power: The Essence of Leadership, Nixon to Clinton.

These days, Gergen works as a political journalist and analyst. He was the first managing editor of Public Opinion, a magazine affiliated with the American Enterprise Institute, and from 1985-1986 he worked as an editor at U.S. News & World Report, where he remains an editor-at-large. Gergen’s career in television began in 1985, when he joined the MacNeil/Lehrer NewsHour for Friday night discussions of politics. Today, he appears frequently on CNN as an analyst for Anderson Cooper 360 and The Situation Room.

Gergen is also a professor of public service and the director of the Center for Public Leadership at the Harvard Kennedy School, having joined the Harvard faculty in 1999. He is active as a speaker on leadership and sits on many boards, including Teach for America, The Aspen Institute, and the Center for Global Development. He is a member of the Washington D.C. Bar and the Council on Foreign Relations, and holds 18 honorary degrees.

He graduated with honors from both Yale College (1963) and Harvard Law School (1967), and served as an officer in the U.S. Navy. In 1971, Gergen joined the Nixon White House as a staff assistant on the speech writing team, a group of heavyweights that included Pat Buchanan, Ben Stein, and Bill Safire. Two years later, he took over as director. Gergen went on to become the Director of Communications for Gerald Ford and Ronald Reagan, a counselor on domestic and foreign affairs for Bill Clinton and his Secretary of State, Warren Christopher, and an adviser to the 1980 George H.W. Bush presidential campaign.

For more information on Gergen, visit his website or his Harvard faculty profile.

David Gergen on the issue of civility during the 2008 Presidential Campaign:

2010-2011 CT Forum Season Topics and Dates

After reading hundreds of suggestions about Forum topics submitted by our subscribers, volunteers, sponsors, YOUTH Forum members, Friends of The Forum and community members, we are thrilled to share with you this first glimpse at our 2010-2011 Forum Season!

We will be announcing our first round of panelists soon, but we'd still like to hear your suggestions. (And we listen!)

• Who do you want to us to bring to Hartford for a "civil" dialogue about ugly politics, the erosion of public discourse, and the crudeness that pervades our daily lives?
  
  
• Are you an educator? School Administrator? Parent? Concerned citizen? Who do you want to hear talk strategies and solutions to the challenges facing our schools...and our future?
  
  
• The human brain is perhaps the real "final frontier" - a vast unexplored territory about which scientists know relatively little. What brainiacs do you want to hear talk about thoughts, memory, health, science?
  
  
• Mystery. Romance. Historical Fiction. Memoir. Who do you love to read?

Please leave a comment and tell us what you think, and stay tuned for updates and more about our upcoming 19th Season! Cheers!